Mercury Signs: Why Your Texts Are a Crime Scene
Mercury in Signs: Texting Like a Maniac
♈️ Mercury in Aries
Texting style: ALL CAPS. NO CONTEXT.
Last message: “I’M OUTSIDE.”
Translation: You have 0.3 seconds to respond or I’m leaving forever.
♉️ Mercury in Taurus
Texting style: One-word replies. Sent three days later.
Last message: “Ok.”
Translation: I’ve emotionally processed your message and still don’t care.
♊️ Mercury in Gemini
Texting style: 87 texts, 4 memes, 2 voice notes, and a poll.
Last message: “Wait—new thought.”
Translation: You’re in a conversation you didn’t agree to, and it’s never ending.
♋️ Mercury in Cancer
Texting style: “Just checking in :)”
Last message: “Did you get home safe?”
Translation: I’m spiraling and need emotional reassurance disguised as logistics.
♌️ Mercury in Leo
Texting style: Monologue with emojis.
Last message: “I was iconic today. Just FYI.”
Translation: Validate me or I’ll die dramatically.
♍️ Mercury in Virgo
Texting style: Passive-aggressive clarity.
Last message: “Just circling back on that typo.”
Translation: I noticed. I judged. I’m still judging.
♎️ Mercury in Libra
Texting style: Polite panic.
Last message: “No worries if not! Unless you’re mad?”
Translation: I need you to love me but I’ll pretend it’s casual.
♏️ Mercury in Scorpio
Texting style: One-word replies. With emotional venom.
Last message: “Noted.”
Translation: You’ve been emotionally assassinated. You just don’t know it yet.
♐️ Mercury in Sagittarius
Texting style: Philosophical rant at 2am.
Last message: “Love is entropy. Anyway, I’m in Peru.”
Translation: I’m unreachable and emotionally expansive. Good luck.
♑️ Mercury in Capricorn
Texting style: Managerial coldness.
Last message: “Let’s circle back next quarter.”
Translation: I’m emotionally unavailable but extremely punctual.
♒️ Mercury in Aquarius
Texting style: Detached brilliance.
Last message: “Here’s a link to a PDF I made about our dynamic.”
Translation: I love you in theory. Please review the attached data.
♓️ Mercury in Pisces
Texting style: Dreamy chaos.
Last message: “Sorry, I thought I replied telepathically.”
Translation: I’m crying, but it’s poetic.